Listen Here


Another Monday, another trip down Myspace memory lane.  To recap: This is a series where I go through my Myspace blogs from 15 years ago and examine what I was thinking at that point in my life and see if I've had any personal growth.  Lets pull back the lever on the internet time machine and hop back to the wonderful year of 2005.

Subject never judge the first impression
DateCreated 1/1/1900 12:00:00 AM
PostedDate 7/1/2005 7:37:00 PM
Body Why is it I have all these thoughts running through my head all day, but when i set down to write, I can't think of anything.

I guess the cynic in me keeps wondering what the point is to the blogosphere. I mean, who really cares what I have to say? Or what anyone has to say for that matter. It is a bit  paradoxical to write about no one caring about what I'm writing. And if I feel that no one cares, why devote the time to writing anyway. But that was kind of the point to doing see if anyone cares. To try and find the answers to the questions that keep me awake at night.

As I believe I mentioned in the last entry, I was mainly curious to see what type of reaction this generates and see what type of people would read my senseless rambling and generic background information and say, "this is somebody I'd like to communicate with." Or, "this has to be the lamest thing I've ever seen, but I curious to see how much pathetic it can become, so I'm going to keep reading."  Maybe underneath it all, I'm no better than than the attention whores I detest. Is it my fate to become what I despise. Or do I try to uphold the image of a cynical bastard while secretly holding my true personality hostage inside my head. Great, now I've given myself something new to ponder for the evening.

That's starting to scratch the surface of getting too deep. Maybe I should get over myself and confirm to the ways of the web. Next posting should be all rainbows and gummi bears.

For a second entry, this one is pretty relevant.  My intention with launching the Positive Cynicism website and blogs was to try and publish a new blog everyday. After all, consistency is the key to success. At least that's what the bumper sticker I saw yesterday said. Unfortunately last week was a bit busy and I didn't have time to write.  That's not entirely true. I did have time, I have a problem with actually sitting down and putting words to blog.

As the Myspace blog states, I question why anyone reads my writings. I think the Positive Cynicism Podcasts are fairly interesting and you should listen to them. Since my writings are more spur of the moment thoughts on what's happening at that time, they aren't that thought out. Basically just word diarrhea. I'm trying to make them entertaining. You'll have to tell me if I'm succeeding.

In this Myspace post, I clearly see the beginning of the cynical persona that over the next fifteen years would become a very Jeykll and Hyde figure of reality vs. online personality. Sometimes it's hard to know where one ends and the other begins. As you'll see in future installments, the Hyde side takes control over most writings.

With my recent admission and diagnosis of mild depression, looking back on these past writings show several signs that I probably should have been talking to someone about what was going on inside my head a lot sooner.  That's part of why I'm writing these postings. If no one reads these, I'm fine with that as long as I can look at the words and identify all the negative behaviors and work on changing my outlook.


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